Harem Today, Gone Tomorrow
by Finnfatales
Summary: A collab by Snakelady Frohike1 and VampireNaomi! Finn suddenly and mysteriously has the power to bring still art to life. Tarakudo orders him and the Dark Hand to build him an invincible army. But, as usual, Finn gets other ideas.
1. Part I

**Harem Today, Gone Tomorrow**  
**By: Brenna Dawkins and Maria Niemelä  
Part I  
A Jackie Chan Adventure Fanfic**

**Rating:** PG-13 Disclaimer: Jackie Chan and subsequent characters belong to Jackie Chan and associates. It'd be pretty useless to sue me since I have nothing! I've made no profit nor will see any from this fic.

**Summary:** A collab by Snakelady Frohike1 and VampireNaomi! Finn suddenly and mysteriously has the power to bring still art to life. Tarakudo orders him and the Dark Hand to build him an invincible army. But, as usual, Finn gets other ideas. This can't turn out well!

**Author's Note:** (This happens right after Captain Black's Oni mask episode. Technically, I haven't seen it yet, shrug. This story was done round robin style. Maria would do a few paragraphs, then I would do a few. Hope ya'll enjoy it! More to come soon!)

* * *

"What wasn't your fault?"

Tarakudo stared at his lackeys and enjoyed the short moment that they used to come up with something to say. They were amusing in their own way, especially after failing.

From their story, he figured that their plans hadn't worked. They had found the mask, yes, but had lost it to Chan.

Or had they, really...

"Well, carry on," he stated.

"What? You can't leave us here! Who knows how long we'll drift here!" Finn objected.

Tarakudo snorted.

"But I don't have any need for you at the moment, right? I will find you again once you have hit the shore. Right now I have other things to do..." he said and the air shuddered once before he disappeared.

"I can't believe that he left us like that. It could have taken hours to reach the shore!" Chow said angrily when they had managed to find dry land. He brushed his wet hair and polished his glasses.

"Yeah. It wasn't even our fault this time," Finn stated while trying to get his jacket at least somehow dry. The water had been dirty and cold and he didn't feel good at all.

"Stop complaining. Being punsihed because of failures builds character," Hak Foo said.

Finn rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Hak. No one wants to hear any warrior talk after that," he said and glanced around himself. Tarakudo had promised to find them when it suited him, but the oni was nowhere to be seen. There were only green trees and the sky was filled with grey clouds. He scratched his neck in thought. His hand stopped and he froze for a moment.

"What? Where is it?" he exclaimed and fumbled his neck and chest like a maniac. No, no, no! It couldn't be gone!

His friends turned to stare at him.

"What is it, Finn?" Chow asked.

"Yeah? Did that pole put a curse on you or something?" Ratso commented.

Finn looked at them in shock.

"My lucky medallion! It's gone!" he said in desperation. He looked at himself once more and the truth hadn't changed; there was nothing hanging on his neck.

"Oh, you mean that disco trinket?" Ratso asked.

"Yes, that's it! Have you seen it?" Finn asked.

"Last time when it was on you."

"What does it matter? You can get a new one in rummage sale, or something," Chow said.

"No I can't! This medallion is special! John Travolta gave it to me when I was small! It means so much to me," Finn said. He seemed to be on the edge of panic and Chow and Ratso glanced at each other in worry. Hak Foo was just sitting and watching the show, but didn't seem to be interested.

"Oh, I see..." Chow said. "Maybe it was swept away while we were in the river?"

Finn stood still. His eyed widened.

"No! That can't be possible! Please, don't let it be true!" he exclaimed and rushed at the shore where the fallen totem pole still rested. "It has to be somewhere in here..."

His gaze flew over the shore and he bent down to see if the medallion was in the water. There was no sign of it.

"I don't believe this..." Finn muttered and collapsed next to the totem pole. He didn't mind that his clothes became wet again.

A flash. He paid no attention to it.

Another flash. Now he turned to look at it.

"What?" he asked and frowned. There was a nasty looking snake creature decorating the pole. Its mouth was wide open and the fangs and tongue were clearly visible. And there was something shiny in the mouth.

Finn slipped his fingers inside the mouth and drew out something. His heart jumped.

"Hey, I found it!" he announced in victory and held the medallion high above his head.

"Whee," Chow said dryly.

"Hey, this means a lot to me," Finn said slightly irritated. He tried to polish the medallion with his sleeve and glanced at the snake figure once more. "What a stroke of luck that it got stuck there. Otherwise I would have never seen it again."

"Is it broken?" Ratso asked. Finn suspected that he was the only one of his friends who was actually interested in the fate of his lucky medallion. Chow and Hak Foo would never understand its value.

He paid a close look at it. There didn't seem to be anything wrong.

"No, not even a scratch. I just need to get a new chain, that's all. The old one is gone," he said.

"Let's head back to the city. You can get a new chain and we'll find somewhere to eat," Chow said.

"I like that plan," Ratso agreed.

"Me too. There's no sense in standing here in the middle of nowhere," Finn admitted. He shoved the medallion in his pocket and the four headed back to San Francisco.

Tarakudo hadn't contacted then when they arrived in San Francisco. Finn demanded that they'd go to buy a new chain before eating anything.

"I think you are taking this a bit too seriously," Chow stated as they stepped in a cheap jewellery store.

"You are only saying that because you are hungry," Finn said. He ran his fingers through different kinds of chains trying to find one that felt good. The medallion was special and deserved a certain kind of chain.

"I'm hungry too. Can't we go yet?" Ratso asked.

"Whatever. I'll just pay for this first," their Irish friend said and the others blinked.

"Come on, Finn. The shopkeeper looks so old that he could be my grandfather. And he is also as blind as a mole. Since when have you bothered to pay in situations like these?" Chow asked.

Finn glanced at him in annoyance.

"This is a special case," he said. No one said anything, it was much easier to let Finn do what he wanted. It was the fastest way to go.

Finn threw a few coins at the counter. The chain wasn't expensive at all. And yet it felt strong and looked good.

"Where are we going to eat today?" he asked as he slipped the medallion in the chain.

"Any place is fine as long as we can get something edible there," Chow stated.

Finn snorted in agreement and slid the medallion around his neck. For a short moment it felt like something was wrong and he stopped.

"Now what?" Ratso asked.

"I... don't know," Finn said and blinked. "Nothing I guess." He shrugged and they continued their walk. Ratso said that he knew a good coffee bar a couple of blocks away and they headed there.

And again they were interrupted by something.

"Oh, look at that!" Ratso exclaimed and stopped to point at an advertisement on the wall. It had a picture of a dog that was dancing on a ball and wearing a stupid hat.

"Dante the Dancing Dog?" Finn said with a lifted brow. "Someone is in a desperate need of money if they bother to try that."

"Ditto," Chow said.

Hak Foo was silent, as usual. No one really paid any attention to it anymore. They would have been much more surprised if he had started to talk all of a sudden.

"Well, this one next to it is just as odd," Finn said and turned his attention to another poster. It was old and the colors had started to fade away, but anyone could still have recognized a strange surrealistic picture of a screaming human. There was text "The greatest artists of Northern Europe in the Fine Arts Museum of San Francisco".

"Hey, isn't that the painting of that Norwegian guy? Edward something?" Chow asked.

"Yeah, I guess it is. A horrible painting, if you ask me," Finn said. He tapped the forehead of the screaming figure. "It always seemed so... alive... to me."

"Well, even if it was alive I doubt anyone would hear its screams under the growling of my stomach. Let's go," Chow said. No one had anything against it so the off they went.

They turned to leave when they were stopped cold by a shrill scream coming from behind them. It caused Chow's spine to shiver and Finn winced and Ratso dug a finger into his ear.

"You guys hear that?" Ratso asked.

"The dead could've heard that!" Finn said crossly. The three Enforcers turned to see who was screaming.

"Aw, crap!" Finn backed up, Chow and Ratso did likewise. "You gotta be kidding me!"

They stared, wide-eyed at the figure before them. The swirling brush strokes were disturbing enough features, but the thing was emitting the bone-chilling wail that had caught their attention.

"Since when did paintings come to life?" Chow wanted to know and took another step backwards.

"Who cares! Let's get the Hell out of here!" Finn said gruffly and turned and ran. The others followed until they had covered a couple of blocks. Heaving from the exertion, they stopped and tried to catch their breath.

"Did we lose it?" Ratso wondered hopefully.

An answering wail nearby told them 'no'.

The thing was hurrying after them, hands perpetually placed upon either side of his face Home Alone style with it's jaw agape. It's disturbing eyes followed them and it walked along in a hurry after them awkwardly, since it was still kinda in it's highly stylized form.

"What are we gonna do now?" Chow wanted to know.

"How am I supposed to know?" Finn asked. The thing was getting closer and it was obvious that it was not going to give up any time soon.

"Well, you usually have ideas," Ratso said. He looked at the thing that had now got right in front of them. "On second thought, it's kinda cute isn't it?"

"No!" Finn and Chow replied in union.

"Aww, but look at it. It must be lonely. Why else would it have come after us?" Ratso asked.

Finn shrugged.

"I dunno. Maybe it's a cannibal," he guessed.

"It sure looks cannibal to me," Chow added.

The thing blinked and it's continuous scream became louder and higher.

"Now look what you did. You hurt its feelings," Ratso tried his best to give the thing a friendly face while Finn and Chow just stared at awe.

"Don't tell me you really like that freak?" Finn asked. The thing turned its attention from Ratso and stared at the Irishman with its horrified eyes.

Finn was pretty much sure that he had heard a word in the middle of that screaming. And it was a word he didn't like.

"Can we keep it?" Ratso asked hopefully.

Chow and Finn cast Ratso a glance that deflated Ratso's wistfulness.

"Come on, guys! I think we're responsible for releasing it in the first place. The least we can do is take care of it," Ratso persisted.

Finn scowled, "No, Ratso, the least we can do is leave it here, go home, and not tell anyone. Besides, what makes you think it was US that brought it to life in the first place?"

Ratso thought about that one, but after a time, he gave up and shrugged. "Dunno. But it only came to life after you looked at it."

"SO?" Finn demanded feeling perturbed. He was NOT going to be saddled with this... thing that seemed so attached to them. And he pretended not to hear that word that the thing seemed to keep calling after him.

"Besides, since when do paintings come to life after someone just looks at them?" Chow demanded reasonably. He did NOT want this creepy thing around. It was still making this continuous, low wailing sound and Chow winced when the keen hit a high note. Hak Fu just looked on in silent amusement. He rarely talked unless it was strictly called for.

"It's NOT coming home with us, Ratso, and that's final!" Finn replied with all due authority.

"Then you get to be the one to tell it that it's not coming with us," Ratso said and backed up, wondering how the thing would react to such news. It was obvious to him that it wanted desperately to be with them.

Finn and Chow looked at the living painting.

"Well... Here goes," the Irishman said and kneeled next to the creature. It blinked and looked slightly happier for a while. Of course happiness was an awkward feeling on its face, and it vanished soon.

"Be careful, it might bite," Chow said.

"Thanks, that's just what I needed to know," Finn turned his attention back to the painting. "So, little buddy... Why don't you head back to where you came from and leave us for now?"

The painting shook its head violently and its wail grew louder and higher. Finn backed away.

"I don't think it likes that idea," he said.

"Told ya," Ratso commented.

Finn looked around. There weren't many people, but he was sure someone would come around sooner or later if they didn't silence that creature. And soon too. He wasn't very enthusiastic about the idea of people starting to ask too many questions.

"But what can we do about it? We can't just take it with us, can we?" he asked.

"We don't even know what it eats," Chow said.

Ratso took a step forward and picked the creature up. Finn and Chow winced, but nothing happened.

"I bet it likes ice cream. All children do," Ratso said.

"Ratso, it's not a child," Finn remarked.

But the thing struggled against Ratso's hold. It wriggled and writhed in a strange serpentine-like manner and finally slithered out of his grip. It moaned and reached out to Finn who backed up again and brought his arm up in front of his face instinctively.

"Da!" It wailed in a most heartrending tone as it reached for Finn.

Finn's eyes widened and he looked back and forth between Chow and Ratso for possible help.

"Hey, don't look at me." Ratso waved Finn off. "You're the daddy. Not me."

Wild eyed, he turned to Chow who stepped back with both hands raised in a gesture that clearly said you're on your own.

"I'm NOT that thing's-- dad!" Finn shouted flustered.

"Da!" The thing called to him again and Finn jerked back as it had gotten close enough to touch him. The thing keened, higher pitched in it's obvious distress. Chow clapped his hands over his ears.

"Look, just do whatever it wants to keep it from doing-- THAT!"

Finn grit his teeth, "NO! I'm not that thing's friggen dad! If I'm going to create a friggen life, then, by God, I've gotta have some fun outta it! And this hadn't been my idea of fun!"

"You're the one making it wail like that, by hurting its feelings," Ratso observed as the thing continued to elevate the hysterical wail that was grating on all their nerves.

"Yeah! Make it stop!" Chow demanded, irritated.

Finn looked at them.

"What? What could I do?" he asked uncertainly. The thing gave him sad eyes and blinked again.

"Well, it thinks you are its dad, so..." Ratso said.

"I wonder what the mother looks like," Chow pondered. Finn shot him a dirty look.

"I am NOT its dad!" he exclaimed. Then he froze when he felt something tugging his pants. When he looked down he saw that the painting was desperately trying to hug his knees. It was quite an effort since it still was still holding its head.

"Da!" it wailed unhappily.

"Ack, go away!" Finn said trying to take a step or two back.

"Aww, it just wants attention. Poor thing..." Ratso said.

"Poor thing? I am the poor thing here! Look, it's harrassing me!" Finn said.

"I think you should just give up for now. Do what it wants and then we can leave. If it causes us further trouble we can ask Tarakudo to get rid of it for us." Chow said.

"But..." Finn started. Then he looked at the thing. It was ugly beyond imagination and he wasn't enthusiastic about having it around. "Oh well..." he sighed.

The creature let out a happy screech as Finn picked it up in his arms.

"I hope you are happy now," he muttered in irritation. The thing leaned its head on his chest and sighed.

"Da."

Finn carried the thing back to the direction of the car.

"Wait, I thought we were gonna get something to eat first," Ratso complained.

Finn glared at his companion, "You wanna explain this THING to the waitress?" He gestured with his chin to the painting come to life in his arms.

"Come to think of it, how are we gonna explain this to Tarakudo?" Chow wondered unpleasantly.

"I dunno," Finn honestly hadn't the foggiest and didn't relish trying to come up with a good enough lie for their latest boss.

"Well, it did sorta follow us home," Ratso suggested.

Finn cut Ratso a sideways glance, "You really think Mr. Pumpkinhead is gonna believe that one?"

"Well, I don't hear YOU coming up with any suggestions," Ratso gruffly said in his defense.

"Why do I have to come up with all the ideas?" Finn complained, still disgusted with the fact that he had to baby this horrid-- thing.

"Cause you sorta are the leader, or at least act like it when it's convenient," Chow blasted back.

"What the Hell is THAT supposed to mean?" Finn growled.

But Chow clamped his jaws shut and refused to answer. Finn grit his teeth and gave the Chinese man like silent treatment. The whole painting situation strained their nerves. It was unsettling not knowing what had caused this medieval hellish relentlessly screaming painting to life. Tarakudo would interrogate them mercilessly about it too. As if they knew anything about magic crap! Magic was something that happened TO them, not by them! And on a disturbingly continuous basis at that.

They got into the car and Finn took the wheel. Chow sat next to him and the Irish man tried to make the painting sit in his friend's lap.

"Hey, I don't want it! And it doesn't want me," Chow objected.

"Dude, I can't drive if it sits on me. Take it," Finn replied. He threw the thing at Chow rather harshly and it hit its head against the door. This only caused it to scream louder and with an even unhappier tone.

"Hey, don't hurt a child! What kind of father are you?" Ratso commented from the back seat.

"It's not my child! And it isn't a child either. It's just a freaky painting that came to life," Finn said in irritation. Why couldn't anyone else understand that?

"Whatever as long as I don't have to touch it any longer," Chow said. The thing was sitting in his lap and stared longingly at Finn. The Irishman turned his gaze away. The thing had disturbing eyes. He started the car and they drove off. They didn't really know where they were supposed to go since Tarakudo hadn't contacted them yet. It would happen sooner or later though, but none of them liked waiting. It felt like they were just worthless lackeys who were called whenever some magical demon wanted.

**To be continued...**


	2. Part II

**Harem Today, Gone Tomorrow  
By: Brenna Dawkins and Maria Niemelä  
Part II  
A Jackie Chan Adventure Fanfic**

**Summary:** A collab by Snakelady Frohike1 and VampireNaomi! Finn suddenly and mysteriously has the power to bring still art to life. Tarakudo orders him and the Dark Hand to build him an invincible army. But, as usual, Finn gets other ideas. This can't turn out well!

* * *

They had arrived to their apartment several minutes ago and the place was already making them sweat. The little Scream painting just wouldn't shut up nor let go of Finn. It was almost as glued to him, and repeated the word "Da!" every once in a while.

"I can't take this anymore. Please someone, take it away," Finn said and ripped the thing off his knee the fourth time.

"It just likes you, you know. If you don't give your son the proper attention it might grow up to be a criminal," Chow joked.

Finn glared at him.

"It's not my son."

"Hey, don't call him 'it'. He doesn't like that," Ratso added. He was probably the only one of them who actually liked the little fellow.

Hak Foo wasn't with them anymore, he had been sent to the near by pizza restaurant to get something edíble for them. That included a chocolate shake for the painting. It had been Ratso's idea.

Suddenly they could feel the air around them shudder and they knew what was coming. It didn't take longer than a few seconds before Tarakudo appeared from the clock on the wall.

"For the first time I'm actually happy to see the Pumpkinhead..." Finn muttered to himself.

Tarakudo sniffed the air.

"I smell magic," he said and then his eyes fixed on the painting that was still screaming, slightly more quietly now, though.

"Uh, yeah. This thing just popped out of nowhere and followed us," Chow said.

"I think it's Finn's child from the future," Ratso said.

Tarakudo rolled his eyes, "You three really haven't a clue, have you?"

Ratso ducked his head, "Um, no. We looked at a painting. We walked away. It came to life."

"You just looked at the painting?" Tarakudo asked with interest.

"Well, yeah," Chow said. "It's what you DO with paintings."

"Did you sense anything about it? Like the residual effects of a spell attached to the painting?" The Oni asked.

The three Enforcers looked at each other, then shook their heads in unison. "We just looked."

Tarakudo sighed and glanced heavenward for patience.

"You had to have done something. Magic just doesn't happen. Looking at paintings doesn't bring them to life."

Finn's glance slid the way of the Scream figure who was standing there, trembling with the effort of not running up to the Enforcer in white and attaching itself to him. Finn was inclined to agree with Tarakudo, except for this one point.

"What do you intend to do with this-- creature?" Tarakudo wondered.

Finn shrugged helplessly. "I dunno, Boss. I was sorta hoping that you'd--"

"--take care of your mess?" He finished for his lacky.

Finn's head hung as he stared at the floor.

"Yeah, we were considering that," Finn replied not really daring to look up at the Oni.

"Hmh, why does everyone always rely on me when they have problems?" Tarakudo muttered and Finn felt that he was talking about some very ancient past incident.

"Well, you are the only one of us who can do something," Chow said.

"I see," Tarakudo said. He floated closer to the Scream creature and it looked at him. For a moment the only sound they could hear was the wail of the creature.

"Don't hurt it," Ratso said then. Finn glanced at his friend. Could he really care about the... thing? Well, Ratso was Ratso.

Tarakudo closed his eyes and listened carefully.

"Can you get rid of it for us?" Finn asked. Tarakudo opened his eyes and turned to look at him.

"Get rid of? Why would I ever get rid of anything that can sing this beautifully?" the Oni asked.

Everyone else blinked.

"Sing?" Chow repeated.

"Can you do it again, do you think?" Tarakudo asked the Enforcers, ignoring their disdain for his musical taste.

"Do what again?" Finn wondered.

Tarakudo's face turned deadly serious. "Bring a painting to life."

Finn looked over to Chow who just shrugged, then to Ratso who was trying to calm the beastly painting, then back to the Oni. "Um, dunno, Boss. As I told you before. Haven't a clue how it happened."

Tarakudo looked dubious. "If you can do it once, you can surely do it again. There's an art exhibit to be unveiled at the San Francisco Art Museum tomorrow. Samurai warrior themed. Go there. Make me an invincible army."

Finn laughed nervously, "If I can't do it again?"

The Oni's voice grew ominous, "I wouldn't want to be you when I see you next."

"Got it," Finn sighed. 'Crap.' He thought to himself. How'd they always manage to get themselves into these things anyway?

"Now, my little musician," Tarakudo turned to the painting, voice not quite so deadly and ignored the Enforcers, "I'd definitely love to hear your beautiful range."

"Right. You look after it and we create the huge omnipotent army," Finn said. He, Ratso and Chow moved towards the door. There was no way they'd have time to eat anything now.

"Da!" the Scream wailed unhappily and tried to ran after the Irishman.

Tarakudo floated to block its way.

"Not so fast, my little friend. Your "da" is doing something very important now and doesn't have time for you," the Oni said.

The Scream blinked. Then it's wail grew much louder.

"Ah... how beautiful..." Tarakudo mumbled. The Enforcers decided that it was a good moment to slip away before something else happened.

Once they were out of their apartment and on the street they had to start to think about their mission.

"How are we going to pull this one off? We don't know how to revive paintings! And even if we did, do you think we could just waltz out of the museum with them?" Chow asked with his hands in his pockets.

"Well, we have to try at least. Tarakudo won't be happy if we fail again," Ratso said. All three shuddered. Not only did Black have the newest Oni mask, but they had also been burdened with this impossible task.

* * *

The Dark Hand were never so glad to go out on an errand.

Things were looking up! That-- THING wasn't with them, which brightened Finn's mood. Tarakudo didn't seem terribly annoyed-- possibly 'cause he so enjoyed that wailing, er, singing the 'Scream' painting emitted.

"So, any ideas on how we're gonna get the paintings to follow our orders?" Finn wanted to know.

Chow shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. We look at the paintings we want, then, whammo."

Finn somehow didn't think it would be that easy. Nothing ever was for them.

"Any word on Chan's whereabouts?" He asked.

Ratso responded readily, "Outta town on business. We're free and clear. 'Cept for Blacks people."

Finn shrugged that off. They had managed against Black's forces just fine before. It was Chan they had the problems with.

"So, we go in, get the-- images, then leave." Finn suggested.

Chow rolled his eyes, "Sure, leave the museum with an army. That'll go off without a hitch."

"Well, what've YOU got?" Finn reproached feeling irritated.

"Maybe the army will have some nifty powers that could help us to escape?" Ratso suggested.

"That's a possibility, I guess. We better make sure that we get only strong looking ones."

"Yeah, nothing like the one we already have. But how do you know if a painting is strong?" Chow added.

Finn shrugged.

"I dunno. Maybe it's about some knights or monsters or something," he said.

"Yeah! Like the one with that Bernard Mensah painting!" Ratso said.

Finn and Chow glanced at him.

"Bernard Mensah?" Chow repeated. Ratso nodded.

"I saw his paintings in that TV program... what was its name again?" he said.

"I don't think we are going to find his paintings in San Francisco. I doubt we'll find anything but strange and annoying pictures like the Scream thingy," Finn said.

"Heh, maybe we could find you a wife so that you could be one happy family," Chow said.

"Haha, very funny..." Finn muttered. He didn't know what to think of this errand. What was going on was freaky, and he honestly had no idea what was happening. He only hoped that somehow the paintings would become living. That was probably the only way to keep Tarakudo happy at the moment.

They made it to the museum without any mishap. They scoped out the security for a time and tried to figure out a few last minute details. It was abundantly clear they had no idea what to do.

"Fine, let's get this fiasco over with," Finn sighed and stepped out of the car. The others followed and they went into the museum easily enough, doing their best to look inconspicuous.

Chow had gone over to the information desk and got a brochure so they'd know where to go for the samurai exhibit. Finn grabbed it from him.

"So, we gotta go through the medieval art exhibit before we get to the good stuff," Finn gave the pamphlet a quick glance. "Let's go."

"How do we get the whole gang outta here?" Chow whispered conspirationally to his comrades.

Finn shrugged helplessly. Ratso tried to think about it without hurting himself. They continued walking, past tons of people, past several guards. Finn ignored the guards as they strolled through. They pretended to be patrons and would stop and stare at a painting... didn't matter what painting, just happened to be the painting they were closest to when a guard was staring at them suspiciously.

"Look at the damn painting!" Finn hissed at his comrades. "We gotta LOOK like we're guests!"

"Hey, look at the broad! She doesn't have any clothes on!" Ratso observed rather loudly to which Chow hastily shushed him. "Should they be letting kids come in and see this?" He whispered rather loudly into Chow's ear.

"It's a classic nude, dude," Finn snorted and took a good look at the female. "Woooah! Look at her figure! They sure knew art back then in the Renaissance! What I could do for her if she were alive!"

"You're dreamin, dude. You could never score with a woman like that, even though she thinks a shell is a boat," Chow teased.

"Botticelli," Ratso told them after leaning in and reading the name on the plaque. "Supposed to be the birth of Venus or something."

"I could too get a woman like that!" Finn responded hotly, rising to Chow's taunts. "Man, you couldn't get a woman like that even if you begged and lowered your price."

"I'm NOT a friggen gigolo!" Chow hissed.

Finn grinned, scoring a point against his buddy. "Tell you," he pointed at the painting, "Me and her would boogie all night long. She's real, dude. You're the one dreamin."

Finn sported a self satisfied grin, knowing he took his pal down a notch or two. His eyes were on an agitated Chow and he was about to turn and leave, but Ratso interrupted.

"Uuuuuh, Finn? Chow? Guess what?"

"What?" Finn and Chow asked turning to look at their friend. They both felt irritated because of the mess they had got into, and were ready to snap something at Ratso.

But instead of saying anything they just gaped at the woman at Ratso's side.

Finn tried to say something, but in his state of surprise it proved to be quite difficult. The woman was beautiful and if someone in the world had a perfect body, it would be her. She wasn't slim or didn't look like those models who probably couldn't walk outside because of the fear of falling apart because of wind. Her body was more roundish, and her long red hair fell on her shoulders and breasts covering something, but revealing just slightly too much.

She was also, of course, completely naked.

"Wow... " Ratso muttered.

The woman looked at them, and though her face was very serious it looked like she was smiling. None of the Enforcers knew how that was possible.

"You have awoken me," she said softly.

Our heroes were not able to say anything. This was the first time -- outside of their fantasies, that is -- for a beautiful naked woman to appear out of nowhere.

Finn swallowed.

"Uh... Venus, right?" he asked then. The woman looked surprised.

"How did you know?" she asked.

"It reads on the wall right next to your... painting," Ratso said and Venus turned to look at the direction he pointed at.

"My painting?" she asked and observed the artifact. It was just like it had been a moment ago, but it lacked one partthat had made it famous: Venus herself. "Oh! How exciting!" she exclaimed.

It was now that Finn remembered something.

"Uh, everything we said about you a moment ago... " he started feeling quite embarrassed. He wasn't unfamiliar with talking about women when they were within hearing range, but Venus felt somehow too sacred for hearing that.

"Yeah, we didn't mean any of it!" Chow added.

"Except that your body -- " Ratso started, but hissing, waving and faces from his friends made him stop.

At that point everyone else in the museum seemed to wake up to the realization that there was a naked Venus "imposter" inside.

The naked Venus strolled sensuously towards Finn who stood stock still. She leaned up fully against him, her breasts pressed into his chest. Finn's heart sped and his body temperature shot up a few degrees. Venus caressed the side of his face with her hand and then ran her fingers through his red hair.

"I couldn't hear anything you said until after you woke me. You know my name. Do you know who I am?" Her very real breath grazed Finn's other cheek. He hadn't moved a muscle and did well to remember to breathe.

"Goddess of Love," Finn finally found his tongue.

Ratso and Chow stared.

"Oh, man! It's not fair, Finn! You get Scream AND Venus?" Finn heard Chow's irritated voice behind him.

"You can HAVE Scream, dude," Finn sighed as the Goddess of Love seemed intent on proving her powers on him right there in the middle of the museum. "Hey, listen, Venus. Not that I'm not enjoying this, cause I AM enjoying the Hell outta this-- but, um, what was it I did or said that brought you to life?"

"I do not know. But it was YOU who did so and so it is to you whom I belong."

He heard Chow's upset voice behind him again.

"Figures!"

Then Ratso's voice piped up, "Um, Finn. So that means, even if you do figure out how to create an army-- I don't think they'd listen to Tarakudo. They'd only listen to you. Don't think the Boss'd be that happy 'bout it either."

Ratso had a point. "Makes sense. So-- what do--" Venus began to nibble on his ear lobe, "-- we do-- uuuuh, now?" She was draped over him, almost like she was a second cloth.

"Finn. People are staring," Chow informed him.

"Crap!" He really was enjoying the attention. But there was a time and place for such affections, just it didn't happen to be in the middle of a museum. Finn gingerly pushed her off of him and she pouted unhappily. "Later, Venus. Believe me, I'd rather see you without anything on--" He took off his white jacket and urged Venus to don it on. She did, reluctantly.

"Such strange garments you wear!" Venus replied as he buttoned it up for her.

"Venus, you make anything look good." Chow told her awed. "She'd make the highest priced supermodle cry with envy!"

Ratso and Finn heartily agreed.

Then, from Ratso, "Guard's comin' over."

"Why is it always Ratso who notices when something happens?" Chow asked as he and Finn and turned to see that there were indeed three guards coming to their way. Finn could only shrug.

Now what is going on here?" one of the guards asked. He was a short man who looked very much like a stuffed potato. His comrades said nothing, merely stood behind him like some evil lackeys.

"We were just watching the paintings... Surely that is not forbidden?" Chow chuckled nervously. Oh, how he hated guards!

One of the guards lifted a brow and looked at Venus. She was smiling politely at them while nudging against Finn.

"We mean this lady here. It is strictly forbidden to enter if one is naked." the leader guard said.

"Why is that? I find it very difficult to enter if one is NOT naked," she said and turned her smile into a smirk.

All men realized what she meant and Finn had to elbow her when the guards blushed heavily. Either because of embarrassment or anger.

"We were about to leave anyway." the Irishman declared and started to drag the very curious Venus out. Chow and Ratso could only stare, and the guards let them go for a while.

Then one of them turned towards the painting that once had been about Venus.

"Hey, they destroyed the painting!" he shouted.

"To Hell with it!" Finn growled and maneuvered the lovely Venus behind him. He was going to try something, out of pure desperation. They needed a diversion to get out of there. The room was full of nudes from that era. Tarakudo was going to get himself an army, just not the one he originally intended. It was clear they were never going to make it to the Samurai exhibit. "Hey, all you chicks in the paintings! Live and come with me!"

Chow gave him a caustic look. "What kind of command was that? Don't you know Daolong Wong would have had a heart attack if he'd ever heard what you call a spell."

"Shut up. Hey, see? It's working!" Finn grinned suddenly. The images in the paintings, from little cherub's to lovely, vivacious maidens oozed out of the paintings all around them.

"Eeeeew," Ratso winced as one lovely lady dripped from her prison, dribbled onto the floor, then resolidified into a three dimensional beauty right beside him. "Woah."

"Impressive," Chow had to acknowledge as he, the rest of the Enforcers, and the guards were now surrounded by a gaggle of classy nude females.

"I've died and gone to heaven!" Finn sighed at the site.

"Well, go ahead, as long as you wait to do that AFTER we get free and clear of this place," Chow replied cynically.

The scene looked very strange indeed. The women were easily recognized as the works of long dead masters and none of the men had even imagined them to look so... living. Living, fresh, and delicious.

The Enforcers were already used to living paintings, but the guards were able to just gape. Finn suspected that they wouldn't be able to stop them no matter what they tried.

Not that he felt much like trying anything except locking himself some where with his new army. Despite that he already knew not to be surprised when paintings lived he still didn't know how to act in front of a nude group of females.

He swallowed. Now was not the time to think about that...

"Okay you all, listen to me. I made you alive, so you will all be listening to the main dude," he said. "Me," he decided to add a second later.

"We know that..." one of the females purred and danced closer. The others followed her example and Finn was soon surrounded by a swarm of funky females.

Venus wrapped her arms around Finn's shoulders and frowned at the others.

"I saw him first! Back off!" she snapped.

"Hey, what makes you think you have the right to him? He made us living too!" one of the other females replied.

"You know, I'm sure you will be able to share me..." Finn said hopefully. Wow, it was so difficult to not stare at their...

"And I and Ratso could also use some of your services," Chow said.

"Yeah."

"No way dudes, they are all mine. Get your own women!" the Irishman said. He glanced around himself in the museum and somehow managed to pay attention to something else than the women's breasts and other body parts. "We better get out of here once we still have the chance." he decided.

The guards couldn't get to the Enforcers with all the nude women surrounding their main man in white. They were reluctant to touch them for fear of facing a sexual harassment charge.

"Let's go, already!" Chow began to thread his way through the fleshy female flock and tried to not brush up against anything too distracting.

"Okay, my lovely ladies! We're outta here!" Finn commanded and wondered how in the world they'd transport such an army back to their usual hideout. "We may have to hoof it back home and leave the car."

Chow sighed, "Sure, no one will give our little troop of Girl Scouts a second glance as we stroll down the ave."

"Well, what do YOU propose we do?" Finn demanded hotly as they all made their way to the door, trying to ignore the outright stares of the museums patrons.

"What if we make it to a safe alley, wait till dark, THEN go home?" Ratso offered.

"From the mouth's of babes," Finn smacked his head.

Ratso wondered at that comment but said nothing.

"What do we do in the meantime until dark?" Chow wanted to know.

Finn grinned broadly, "Oh, I'm SURE we can all find SOMEthing to keep ourselves occupied until then!"

That got Chow's attention. "You gonna share after all?" The excitement in his voice was evident.

"Weeeeell, it's up to my babes if they even want anything to do with the two of you." At the nasty look Chow gave him, "Hey, don't blame me if you can't create your own-- uuuum--" Finn wasn't sure what to call it.

"Harem?" Ratso offered again. Finn grinned. Sounded perfect to him!

With that, the troop exited the building with the guards still trying to decide if something illegal had just happened or not and if it had, just how would they explain it to the authorities. Finn was grinning from ear to ear. It was turning out to be a very good day!

**To Be Continued...**


	3. Part III

**Harem Today, Gone Tomorrow  
By: Brenna Dawkins and Maria Niemelä  
Part III  
A Jackie Chan Adventure Fanfic**

**Note** **from VNaomi:** This one was spell checked etc. by me, and I had some trouble with it. Many of the words Snakelady Frohike1 used are not familiar to me, and my dictionary and spell check say they are not real words. I don't know if they are typos or just odd words, and I have no idea what they are supposed to mean. Same goes for the odd bunch of letters that I had thought to be words while writing this... That is why I couldn't replace them with anything. Angry comments can be directed in my direction.

* * *

Black had heard from his agents about the mysterious goings on at the museum and from the description he had gotten of the perps, he knew instantly it had been the Enforcers who had caused the fracas.

He gathered an assortment of special agents with him and once again rued the fact that Jackie was out on a completely separate assignment and was out of cell phone range. He did call on Uncle and Tohru, however. After all, magic must defeat magic. Black had had THAT axiom literally pounded into his skull by the zealous old spug.

"Yes, I can try to give you some more information once I can. No, I don't know what they're after. Yes, I know you can't make a counter spell unless you know what's going on." That had been how his conversation with the old man had gone. Uncle had been testy with him, but that was nothing unusual. It would be much easier if the old chi wizard would meet them there and get a look at the situation himself, but Uncle had berated him soundly for that.

"How can I know what ingredients to gather if you don't look at what's missing? How can I gather ingredients if I'm at the museum?" Uncle had tersely quipped at the time of the call.

Black had given up and decided going along with the old man's suggestions was easier then arguing with him. So he and his agents drove to the museum without their magic consultant. He wasn't sure exactly what he had to be looking for.

Black rubbed his neck and sighed. He really wasn't on the mood for this kind of activity again. It had been only several moments after Uncle had got the evil Oni mask removed from his face. And immediately after he had thought he could relax for a while... The Dark Hand definitely knew how to ruin his good day.

When they arrived at the museum the guards had got most curious people away. Black didn't even want to know how they had done that, he knew quite too well how annoying curious and determined people could be.

The image of a certain girl appeared in his mind, but he pushed it away. Jackie wasn't around so it was highly unlikely to see Jade anywhere.

"Thank God you came!" a short man with gray hair exclaimed as soon as Black got out of the car. "This is horrible!"

"What exactly happened here?" Black asked while they entered the museum. The man, obviously the one in charge, showed him the way in the room that had once been full of Renaissance art.

"This happened," the man said and pointed at the paintings. Black took a look at them.

"Hmm..." His eyes shifted from a painting to another. "Aren't they missing something rather... important?"

"Yes! That is why we called you! These strange fellows marched in, turned the paintings alive and escaped with them!" the manager said.

"How odd. So they kidnapped them?" Black found himself asking. He found it very difficult to believe that the Enforcers had got in and ran off with a group of nude women.

There again, he had already seen so much that he figured he shouldn't have been that surprised.

"No, not at all. They all went willingly with them."

"Right..." Black muttered.

Black had his team secure the area while he phoned Uncle.

"Uncle's Shop of Rare Finds," The old man answered.

"It's Black at the museum. Seems the Enforcers managed to make off with the art."

Uncle snorted, "ANY thief can accomplish that without magic!"

Black went on, "Yeah, but can ANY thief steal the image from the painting and leave the canvas behind?"

Silence for a moment on Uncle's end. Then, "I see. Did the guards happen to see if the Enforcers had anything with them to help them perform this spell?"

"Um, I'll ask."

"I have not heard of this before, it will take time for me to do the research. Oh, and Black..."

"Yes, Uncle?"

"Don't phone me again until you have aaaaaaall the information! How can I do a proper spell if I only get bits and pieces of what happened?" The angry voice on the other end of the phone yelled into his ear and then there was blessed silence as Uncle hung up.

Black sighed and pocketed his phone.

"Did you happen to see the perps before the... burglary?" Black had no idea what else to call the situation.

"They were walking through, glanced at a few paintings in here, but the way they were walking, it was like they had an idea of what they wanted to see and it wasn't originally in here."

Black sighed. "They probably got distracted by the nudes. Did you happen to see what they were doing next to the painting?"

The guard shrugged, "Looking at it. And talking." The guard didn't look happy, "I better not lose my job over this! I still don't know how to report this to the curators!"

Black rolled his eyes, "Yeah, well, I'm sure you'll think of something."

Well, the only helpful thing the guard had told him was that the Enforcers seemed to have a particular place to go in the museum. Problem was, he had no idea where they had originally intended to go.

"What are the other exhibits housed here?" Black wanted to know.

"Well, there's the Renaissance exhibit, the Dodda exhibit, the Warhol exhibit, and the Samauri exhibit."

"Anything stored away?" Maybe they were after something not on display.

"Always. We don't have room on the floor to store everything we have."

"Hmmmm." Black rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Sure would be nice to know what they had been after.

Black knew he was now facing something that was just as odd as the previous events. He had long time ago got used to that the Dark Hand was no longer the dangerous criminal organization it had once been; he no longer even took the Enforcers very seriously.

But this case... it just proved that they were nuts.

He turned to the guard again.

"Did any of you spot a floating head anywhere near?" he asked him.

The guard blinked.

"A floating head? No. Why?"

"Never mind," Black replied and shook his head. So, even though Tarakudo hadn't been around it was still more than likely that he was somehow involved. He doubted the Enforcers had enough intelligence to come up with something like this on their own.

He took one last look around.

"Alright men, we are done here. Finish whatever you are doing and then we'll go back."

The agents took several more photos, finished interviewing the witnesses, packed up in their cars and took off.

Black hadn't got any wiser, but he didn't want to call Uncle just yet. He knew the old man wouldn't be pleased with the information he had, and Black really wanted to find out more.

He was sure that if Jade had been there she would have already found a clue or helped somehow. It was a pity that she wasn't around, really.

He tapped at his arm with his fingers and stared out of the window. This case...

"Hey boss, look at that chick. Wow. Is that kind of clothing even legal?" the driver asked.

"What? Sorry, I wasn't listening," Black replied and turned to look where the driver was pointing.

There was a woman. But she wasn't just any woman. She had long beautiful red hair and as far as Black could tell, her body was perfect. Telling that wasn't very difficult, because the only thing the woman was wearing was a ridiculous white jacket that looked like it had been stolen from Elvis himself.

Black knew that jacket better than well. And now that he was alerted he could also see the three men he had been thinking about. They were standing in front of a hot dog stand with a group of women. All of the women were dressed now -- many of them in something that looked like it had been picked up from the street -- and they were busy digging into junk food.

"Stop the car," Black ordered.

* * *

"No, Mary Madonna, you don't eat the hot dog like that," Ratso tried to instruct the beautiful likeness as Fra Fillipo Lippi had envisioned that was the Virgin Mary how to properly eat a hot dog.

"Giovanna doesn't want mustard on hers," Chow told the harried vender as the long necked beauty by Ghirlandaio stood by impatiently, waiting to taste a foreign delicacy.

"Galatea, Venus! Please!" Finn was trying to survive just long enough to have his way with all of them eventually, "Don't fight over me! Here, both of you, have a hot dog!"

"But I want you!" Venus plaintive voice sent a warming sensation through his nether regions.

"NO! He's mine!" Galatea, the great beauty from Raphael's hand argued, glaring dangerously at Venus who deigned to drape her arm over Finn's shoulder. This only angered Galatea all the more. Venus smiled vapidly, knowing how she affected the wench.

"He summoned ME first! He's mine!"

Finn sighed and shoved a hot dog into Galatea's hands and another in Venus's. He thought having numerous women fight over him would be as groovy as Hell... but after a time of it, having to stop them from clawing at each other, it got tiresome. He had hoped they'd get some action after leaving the museum, but instead, he had to play referee to nearly twenty women who were wiling to fight to each other to bed him first.

"My lovely Galatea, my gorgeous Venus, everyone, have no fear!" Finn attempted to salve injured prides. "There is enough Finn for everyone, and there's even a little in reserve from Chow and Ratso while you wait oh so patiently in line."

All the heads turned around lithely and stared at a suddenly dry mouthed and anxious Chow and Ratso. There was a collective sigh, then unhappy acknowledgments all around, to Chow and Rasto's mixed feelings out of their reactions. Did they HAVE to sound SO disappointed?

"But they are so..." Mary Madonna started and Galatea finished for her: "Unattractive."

The other women nodded, and it was probably the first time they did anything in unision.

"I don't know about you, but I am starting to find them less and less nice with every second," Chow replied to Ratso.

"Come on now, they are just kidding right? Of course they would like to have a bite of you if I'm busy at the moment. Eh, girls?" Finn said.

Susanna, the beauty painted by Guino Reni, opened her mouth to answer, but then they all froze as they heard a new voice:

"Okay boys, hand over the ladies."

Finn turned on his heels to stare at Black, who had stepped out from his car and was now approaching them with his men. Several of them had a faint blush on their face, or kept glancing at everywhere but their target, but Black didn't look troubled at all.

The Irishman dropped his hot dog.

"Run chicks, run!" he ordered.

Finn and company ran. It was a sight to behold, Black had to admit as he and his team jogged after. Where did they think they could escape to? It was thoroughly ridiculous and Black wasn't overly concerned.

Finn, Chow and Ratso pelted behind the women. Finn turned his head to see if Black was giving chase. Yup. He swore. Then tried to urge everyone to run faster, until he noticed a statue of a dude on a horse not very far ahead of them. Finn smiled as an idea hit him between the eyes.

"Dude on that horse! Come to life and stop those guys chasing us!" The Irish Enforcer shouted at the statue as they rushed past.

The thing obeyed. It shrugged off it's stony exterior and turned into a living, breathing thing. It hopped off the pedestal it had been occupying and with dispatch, cut off Black and his team from the chase.

"Holey moley!" Black balked and couldn't help but back up as the horse and rider clacked towards them menacingly. _Well, so much for catching up to the Enforcer's and their Girl Scouts,_ Black thought idlely. The rider kicked the sides of his horse and it bolted, straight towards Black and his group. They scattered, like Democrats at a Republican cacauss. Somehow, catching Finn and Co didn't seem quite so important anymore as he was trying to keep himself from getting trampled.

He stopped to look how his men were fairing. Nothing too serious had happened, they were all fine. Just a bit shaken though, one didn't have to run from a living statue every day.

The horse looked angry and kept glaring at them. It had stopped, but every time one of them tried to go towards the direction Finn and his girl squad had taken it would bolt and kick the air with its hooves.

Black scratched the back of his head.

"This sure is strange," he muttered.

"What was that sir? How were they able to do that?" one of his men asked. Black didn't feel like replying, he wasn't that sure himself.

"I don't have the slightest idea," he had to admit, "But I know someone who might have."

He took his cell phone out again and dialed the familiar number.

"Uncle's Rare Finds," the old and enthusiastic voice replied.

"It's Black," the bald man said.

"Again? So, you want to disturb Uncle all the time? Uncle said no calling back before you have the right information!" The voice in the other end wasn't that enthusiastic anymore.

"I have more information for you," Black said. "It seems that the Enforcers are able to bring art to life by giving them commands. We are not sure what gives them such a power, but -- "

"Yes, yes, leave that to Uncle! Now, stop calling, you are distracting the research!"

"Wait! I have a living horse here! What am I supposed to do with it?" Black tried to ask, but Uncle had already hung up.

Black turned to look at the horse again. How was he supposed to tell his superiors that a valuable historical monument had turned into... that?

"Call the zoo, someone. I need a break. And coffee," he muttered.

* * *

Meanwhile, Finn and his groupies had managed to lose their pursuers quite easily with the aide of the horseman. After chugging down a few more blocks, Finn had his company eased to a halt in a dead ended alley.

Twilight was well upon them and still there was no word from Tarakudo. Finn took a quick head count and was pleased to find no one missing.

"Now what?" Chow panted.

Ratso was nearly doubled over as he tried to recapture his breath.

"Now," Finn grinned expectantly, "we get some action!"

"But I'm pooped!" Chow whined when he deciphered what the Irishman had said. "You gonna try this NOW?"

Finn nodded, "Okay, Venus! You're first in line! All the rest of you lovely broads form up behind her! If any of you get antsy while waiting... Chow or Ratso can handle your needs... maybe." He added dubiously.

Venus looked radiant and positively pleased that she was to be first. _God!_ Finn thought excitedly, this was really going to happen! He was going to have an out and out orgy with the worlds most beautiful women! Life couldn't get any better than this!

The other women looked heavily disappointed and backed away angrily.

"Why does she get to be first?" Galatea asked.

"Yeah, we are just as good as she is!" Susanna added.

"But ladies, I can take only one at time. Believe me, if I had two I would gladly accept more of you at time," Finn said in defense.

Now that he was it he realized he didn't know where to start. Venus was... amazing. He had never had anyone like her, and he had no idea how she would like it to be done. The sluts he had been with hadn't minded anything, but this classic woman...

Maybe he could start with a gentle touch first, and then proceed into something more... mature.

"Man, you are going to do it right here?" Ratso asked when Finn was just about to touch the soft skin of Venus's breasts.

"And let us watch?" Chow added. They both sounded like they weren't very keen on the idea. Finn shrugged. Now that he thought of it, he didn't want to have any extra males around. Especially those two.

"No, you can go around the corner and take an anxious chick or two with you. You know, just to occupy yourselves while I'm at it."

Chow was not pleased, "Oh, why, thank you so VERY much! What a guy."

But Finn was too preoccupied with the view only a few mere inches from his face to take note of Chow's cut and dry response. He was also too preoccupied to notice Chow and Ratso pick a few quietly unwilling volunteers and then move off around the corner to the adjunct alley to do their own thing.

Venus smiled happily and shrugged off Finn's white jacket, exposing herself fully to the Enforcer. Finn stared and felt that all too familiar eager energy that spread in his loins as he looked at the whole package without interruptions.

"Wow! I can see why men worshipped you!" He exhaled and suddenly felt unsure of himself. She was supposed to be the goddess of love, and while he knew he was good at what he did, he didn't know if it would meet her standards.

She reached out and gently gripped both his shoulders and her smile widened and her eyes sparkled with anticipation. She wanted him! Now! With a suddenness that surprised Finn, she hauled him into her. The move had taken him off his guard and off his balance and he teetered as he tried to regain it, but, unfortunately, never recovered.

Finn yelped and grabbed at Venus as they toppled onto a pile of plastic trash bags that were piled besides the huge dumpster. Finn blinked and his nose wrinkled at the stench.

"Dude, Venus, are you alr-" his question of concern was cut off by an all too eager kiss which he eagerly returned. Not the most romantic of places to get laid in, but it was now or never what with Black out there looking for them, and possibly Tarakudo as well. So he threw his usual caution to the wind and went with it. To tell you the truth, it made it all that much more exciting... not that he'd ever take any date out to the garbage dump to have sex again.

She was all over him, pawing and clawing with growing excitement. Somehow, she'd gotten herself on top. Before he knew what was what, his shirt was off and his pants seemed destined to follow suite. _This had to be the coolest thing in the world,_ he thought excitedly to himself as he took in the view and felt increasingly giddy and aroused. And to think he would get to do this nineteen more times!

He was naked, laying on top of garbage, in an alley with a gorgeous creature getting ready to make love to him. Tarakudo and Black were suddenly ideas that were very far away and had no meaning to him at the moment.

She leaned in, her hands rubbing and touching him in delicious places that made him groan and shudder. He was stiff and ready and he grabbed her hips and pulled her down... and nothing happened. He frowned. That's not right. He tried again. And again.

"What's wrong?" Venus asked confused.

"I... I don't know." Finn was even more confused. "Gotta be there somewhere..." he muttered absently and searched for an entrance with is finger. Then his hot and bothered body grew cold with his discovery.

"OH DUDE NO! It CAN'T be!" But why? He searched frantically again and knew there was no mistake. It wasn't there because it had never been painted.

Male shouts of disbelief around the corner told him it was going to be the same with all his harem. None of his girls were... whole.

_God!_ Finn rolled his head back and shut his eyes, _It's not fair!_ NOW what was he gonna do?

**To be continued…**


	4. Part IV

**Harem Today, Gone Tomorrow  
****By: Brenna Dawkins and Maria Niemelä  
Part IV  
A Jackie Chan Adventure Fanfic**

* * *

Finn didn't know what to think. There he was, naked with the most beautiful woman in the world and she didn't have a...

God, life was so unfair!

"FINN!" came two shocked shouts and he turned his head. Chow and Ratso weren't in such a ready state as he was, they had probably had to encourage the chicks some.

"I know," he said.

Venus and the girls Chow and Ratso had taken looked like they didn't know where their place was supposed to be. Finn didn't know if they even realised what they were missing.

"Finn, my dear," the goddess of love murmured and pressed herself against his chest.

"Hey Finn, she doesn't have a -- " Ratso started, but was cut off by an angry Irishman.

"I KNOW! I just don't want to accept it yet."

"But we have to do something. We can't just stay here forever," Chow pointed out. Finn suspected that he was the only one who had truly lost something. Chow and Ratso looked like no one had even touched them yet.

"Well, what?" he asked.

Chow shrugged.

"I dunno."

"Hey, maybe Tarakudo can help us," Ratso realised.

"Maybe you should get some ointment on those first," Chow pointed to Finn's bare chest.

"Huh?" Finn looked down. Woah, she'd clawed him in her excitement and he was bleeding... very lightly. Great, and he'd been rolling around in garbage with those. He'll probably end up getting a staff infection or worse... maybe even have to get a tetanus shot. Weird how he hadn't even felt it happen to him. He must have been so wrapped up in the moment.

Venus's voice was full of hurt, "Does this mean I won't get to have sex with you?"

God! Finn couldn't help but get a stiff because of the need in her question. "Not the usual way anyway," Finn sighed regretfully. "But dammit! I'll figure out SOME way for us to, well..." There was definitely more then one way to have sex and Finn didn't want to give up just yet, not when it seemed he and he alone would be the one to satisfy Venus's needs.

Venus's lip was trembling again and the other girls milled about just as forlornly at their impossible situation. No one was taking it very well.

"Well, it's not as if they're... real," Chow tried to whisper into Finn's ear. But Venus had overheard and gave the Chinese man a sharp slap in the face for that. "Ow! Jeeze!" Chow backed away as he rubbed his stinging cheek.

"It's dark enough that we can probably make it back to the hideout without the authorities spotting us," Ratso observed, not certain as to how he felt about the situation.

"Yeah, but Finn needs to get some clothes on first," Chow observed. Finn was now more than aware of his situation and started to look for his clothes. Venus had thrown them all over the alley.

He wasn't quite comfortable being naked around his friends, but he guessed that the sooner he got everything done the sooner things would start to make sense again.

He grimaced as he put his clothes back on. It wasn't a nice feeling against his dirty skin and injured chest.

"I need to get a shower when we get back," he muttered.

"Oh! Me too!" Venus exclaimed.

"And us!" the rest of the squad added.

"Maybe I will take it alone until we figure out how to take care of your problem," Finn replied. He actually wanted nothing more than to share a long nice shower with hot chicks, but the earlier disappointment was still fresh in his mind.

They headed back to their apartment in the dark and faced no problems. Finn had to wonder how they were going to make all girls fit in their small place and he guessed some of them would have to sleep on the floor.

And they needed something proper to cover themselves as well, as much as he would have liked to keep his eye candy.

The apartment was dark as they got in. Ratso switched on the light and they were welcomed by quite a scene:

Tarakudo was asleep in their arm chair with the Scream snoring quietly next to him.

"Well, at least those two started to get along..." Chow muttered.

"I'm going to bathe!" Finn growled and headed to the shower. When he got to the door of the restroom, he was about to close it, but something held it firmly in place.

"Can I shower with you? I mean, we wallowed in the same garbage." Venus smiled at him in a way that made Finns sweat. It was she who held the door open.

Finn peered over her shoulder. "You alone?" He was suddenly tired of the idea of having a hundred women wailing to get to him. One Venus was just about all he could handle, if at all.

She nodded, still smiling knowingly.

Finn sighed and waved her in and hastily shut and locked the door. "Why'd you have to be so damn gorgeous?"

She preened under the praise. "I AM the goddess of love."

He reached out and touched her bare skin. Silky and smooth and very real, and yet... still not whole. Not a real woman. That had been evident by his attempt at sex. It sort of crept him out, but her beauty propelled him beyond that. He'd find a way, dammit!

"I want you, Venus!" Finn pulled her to him. He couldn't help himself. She was beautiful, she wanted him as much as he wanted her and yet...

Finn turned the shower on to cool his feelings a bit. There was no way for him to enjoy Venus's female secrets yet, so he didn't want to get too excited again. It would just disappoint him in the end.

The water was warm and made Venus's hair fell flat on her back and shoulders. Several locks covered her breasts, but were not even close to hiding their beauty. She smiled at him as they stood under the running water.

The Irishman realised he had forgotten to take his clothes off.

"Damn! The fabric is not going to like this!" He kicked his shoes off and was about to move on to his shirt, but Venus was not about to just stand back and watch.

Finn yelped in surprise as she threw him against the white wall and locked her lips with his. The kiss was much more violent than he would have expected from such a goddess, and the roughness she used while clawing his wet clothes off was almost disturbing.

Venus pressed her body against his and her full breasts brushed against Finn's bare chest caressing the scratches. She was running her fingers through his hair and it seemed that she had no idea in which position she would have preferred to be.

"Hey Venus," Finn tried to calm her down, but he knew it was useless. The both of them were already getting too excited and it hurt him to know that they would not be able to go as far as they wanted.

"Please..." she whispered between the kisses and moved lower. Her tongue played against his hardening nipples and Finn had to suppress a moan.

She reached down below with her hands as she licked and grasped his manhood. Finn jerked and had to brace himself against the wall as she preformed the next best act to penetration.

His brain didn't seem to want to work right during the whole thing. God but she was GOOD! No other woman he'd had managed to make his whole body want to explode from pleasure. He had to clamp down on his tongue to keep from vocalizing his pleasure. The last thing he wanted was to be set upon by those women that waited in the living quarters in his state. He doubted he could take this nineteen more times without quite a bit of rest if they were any bit as good as Venus was.

"Th-th-that was... fanTAStic!" Finn panted afterwards.

Venus was very pleased with herself. "Of course it was!" She smiled at him, then it turned into a sad frown, "I only wish... you could do the same for me, but it appears, I don't have the correct plumbing."

"I'm sorry, Venus. You know if there was ANY way, I'd do it for you, but..." he made a helpless gesture. "We'd better wash up and get back out there before the others get murderously jealous."

Venus nodded and stood. They soaped each other up, Finn taking a moment to fondle her breasts, which made her moan. But nothing much more came from that, sadly. He had a feeling it would take a Hell of a lot more to give her an orgasm. Once they finished their shower and towel dried themselves they got dressed in cleaner clothes and opened the door to which Finn yelped and jumped back, his hand over his heart.

Tarakudo floated in front of the door, not looking very happy at all. "THIS is my army, Finn? Do I even have to state how very disappointed in you I am?"

"Wah, you scared me T-dude," Finn said. He had been waiting for this moment only to get it over with. "You see..."

Tarakudo tilted himself in the air and glanced at Venus.

"Not strong, not scary, no real magical talent. Useless," he declared getting an angry "Hey!" from the goddess.

"You don't understand now, these girls are a very strong army. Somehow," Finn said.

Tarakudo lifted a brow at him.

"Indeed," he muttered. "These girls, as you call them, are no use for me and my plan. You have failed me. Again."

"We can do lots of things!" one of the other girls exclaimed from another room. Tarakudo didn't even bother to turn in that direction.

"Though not to a floating head. It seems that someone has it worse than me and the rest," Venus announced.

"I don't want to know. There again, I think I know already," the floating Oni sighed. Then he turned his attention on Finn again. "I give you one day to get me my army or prove that these girls can do more than whatever you just did back there."

Finn laughed nervously, "He-he-hey, Tarakudomundo! I can prove it to you already! Back at the museum where we, um, acquired our army, we were surrounded by guards and they didn't want to touch us, even though they wanted to stop us." He didn't bother mentioning how they'd been chased by Black and his get. Black wasn't quite as mesmerized by the workings of magic as the guards at the museum had been. And besides, all the ladies had been somewhat meagerly dressed, while they had been nude except for Venus at the museum. He blinked when he remembered the horseman and wondered what it had done to Black and what it was doing now.

"Truly?" Tarakudo raised an eyebrow. "You are saying their bodies are enough to stop a man in their tracks?"

Finn nodded and Venus smiled wickedly to herself.

"But I need an army that can do more then that. I need an army that can kill, destroy, and conquer. These ladies are too demure for anything remotely approaching those tasks," The Oni said doubtfully.

They sure had seemed ready to claw each other in one major catfight to get to him earlier, Finn thought to himself.

"Can I keep 'em? Come on, you know a happy Enforcer is a productive Enforcer," Finn tried to sweet talk the demon.

But Tarakudo only snorted, "We may keep them around for just a little longer, but as soon as I discover they cannot serve my purpose, they... go."

Well, that was better than what Finn had thought. He had been almost sure of that the Oni wouldn't let him keep his harem.

"Thanks! They won't cause any trouble!" he promised eagerly.

"Hmm..." Tarakudo muttered in thought. "Before we try anything else, I would be happy to know exactly HOW you make art alive."

Finn shrugged.

"Hey, I have no idea either," he said. The Oni turned his eyes on Venus.

"And you?" he inquired.

"I just am here," the goddess replied. Finn noticed that she didn't seem to like Tarakudo at all. He didn't find that very surprising. He couldn't think of anyone who would like a maniac floating head.

Tarakudo didn't look happy at all.

"Hmm, this requires further study then," he said. "I will go and try to find out something while YOU stay here, don't cause any more trouble and come up with a way to give me a useful army." He disappeared after saying that.

Finn turned to the others. Most of the girls had taken their place on the sofa while some others were sitting all around the apartment. The Scream was there as well, sleeping happily in the arms of Mary Madonna.

"I'm gonna watch some TV," Ratso replied, hoping something so normal would make things all right somehow.

Chow wriggled in between two of the women on the couch and grabbed the remote before Ratso had the chance.

"It was MY idea," Ratso grumbled and sat on the arm of the sofa since it was very crowded.

Chow smirked, "Then you should have been quicker about it." He turned the TV on and saw it was the local news and was about to change it until a freakily familiar horseman flashed by the camera. There was much mayhem happening about the Golden Gate Park. It seemed a wild horseman was charging after innocent bystanders for no reason. The cops had been called and didn't seem to have much luck in containing the crazy bastard.

"Oh man!" Chow winced. "Hey Finn! Your pet horseman is rampaging about San Fran!"

Finn blinked and then moved closer to the TV with Venus still attached to his arm and following him. "Dude, I don't need this right now." He sighed.

"Hey, that guys pretty good. Maybe Tarakudo can be satisfied with just him for a while and maybe will let us keep the girls for longer," Ratso said hopefully.

"He's a menace!" Finn gestured at the TV with his hand.

"That's exactly what the boss wants." Chow reminded his cohort.

"Great. So we go down to the park and collect him, bring him here, THEN what?" Finn demanded.

Chow shook his head. "He's YOUR creation."

"Tarakudo said for me to STAY HERE! I'm not gonna screw up any more today!" Finn said fiercely.

"You think the boss would be happy to find out that we let a promising warlord get away from him?"

Well now, Finn's brows knitted together and he exhaled in exasperation. "If we do this, YOU are going to take the heat, Chow!"

Chow shook his head again, "Heck no. This is YOUR mess, not mine! I'm just saying you got a choice."

"Great," Finn muttered forlornly and placed his hand over Venus's for comfort, "Some choice. Just wish I knew which he'd considered to be a greater screw up."

"So," Ratso said after a moment of silence, "What are we going to do?" Everyone's eyes turned on Finn. He had to wonder why everyone always supposed him to solve the mess they were in.

He sighed.

"I guess we could go and find the horse and the rider, but we would have to do it fast. I don't want Tarakudomundo to find out we didn't follow his orders," he said.

"Yeah, he's already kinda pissed off," Ratso added.

Venus shot a questioning look at Finn.

"Why do you care so much about what the floating head wants? You are better than him!" she said.

"Yeah!" the other women agreed in union.

"Gee, maybe it has something to with that Tarakudo is powerful enough to do anything to us if he wanted?" Chow guessed sarcastically.

"This is leading us nowhere. If we are going to go we must do it now," Finn said.

Everything was silent for a while. He realised they were waiting for his decision again.

Finn swore to himself and for the millionth time thought, 'Why me?'

He gave Chow and Ratso the evil eye. "Look, who's to say that Mr. Oni is going to find out about the horseman?" He tried mostly to fool himself, "I mean... come on..." But at everyone's blank stares he exhaled in one long gust and felt sorry for himself again, "Fine. But we can't ALL go." That got a loud protest from the women.

"But... we hadn't even gotten a chance at you yet and you promised!" one of them whined loudly which was followed by a sharp chorus of "Yeah!"

Finn rubbed his forehead at a complete and total loss. He couldn't bring everyone on this particular fetch and carry. "Listen, Chow, Ratso, can you stay and look after them?"

"They aren't going to listen to us," Chow said with a hint of jealousy.

Finn sighed again, "Listen girls, you lot stay here with Chow and Ratso. They'll... keep you entertained. I'm going out for a bit but I'll be right back. Do whatever they ask you to do, as long as it isn't... too perverted." He slid the two Enforcers a warning look which won him two nasty looks right back. "Hey, they're MY harem. Not yours."

Chow snorted, "Yeah, but with a harem, a REAL harem, you get to sleep with 'em and these, no can do-oh."

"You going to bring the horseman back alone?" Ratso asked uncertainly.

Finn grabbed onto the ever present Venus's arm, "She's coming with me." There was a wave of unhappy sentiment that rose from the girls once more as they perceived Finn's favoritism of the peculiar beauty.

Venus only smiled and just as possessively held onto Finn. "Let's go."

San Francisco was a beautiful city at night, even if some people had nasty things to say about it. Some people just preferred countryside to cities while others didn't think there was anything more beautiful than a dark city with lights.

Finn had never really bothered to think about such matters. To him San Francisco was just home, nothing else. And he could mention many not so beautiful things about the city as well.

But there again, he didn't think there had ever been anything as beautiful as Venus in the city. Sure, the other girls were nice too, but Venus was by far his favourite.

"Where are we going to find the horseman?" Venus asked. Before they had left she had grabbed one of Finn's shirts and trousers and was now fully clothed. Quite a nice plan considering that they were going to wander all around the city.

"I don't really know. He was on TV, so we better start looking for him from the Golden Gate Park. That was where we revived him, wasn't it? Maybe he won't leave his home that easily," the Irishman guessed.

"Could be," Venus agreed.

The Enforcer's apartment wasn't too far from the park, so it didn't take long for the duo to reach it. There were many people, cameras and police around.

They stopped at the edge of the crowd.

"This could cause trouble," Finn muttered.

He wished he had some sort of dog whistle or something to call the statue over to him. Then Finn got an idea. He'd seen Jade in action often enough to get a feel for her kind of slyness.

Hoping this would work, he shouted and pointed in another direction, "Hey... there's another one over there! Oh my God, I think it has a hold of a kid!"

Suddenly, the crowd around his statue broke and with a string of shouts and commands, the cops and the gathered crowd of bystanders were off to hunt for his phantom statue. His yelling had got the things attention and it charged his horse right towards Finn. Finn grabbed a hold of Venus and then shoved her to the side in case the crazed statue had plans of trampling him. But it brought the horse up to a sharp halt and it skidded to a stop hoof to toe to Finn.

"There you are, Master! I've been looking all over for you!"

Finn could hear the frantic relief from the creature and hoped it didn't want to have sex with him. "Come on, we're going home! And we'd better hurry before the cops come back!"

So Finn helped Venus onto the horses back and he trotted alongside the statue all the way home. When he got there, he was seriously out of breath. You'd think he'd be in better shape after running away from Chan all the time.

When he strolled into the living quarters, the girls, Scream, the Enforcers, and... Finn's triumph quickly wilted, Tarakudo were there waiting for him.

"Did I NOT tell you to stay here, Finn?" He could tell the Oni was seriously pissed and prayed he could talk himself out of harms way.

"Well, um, yes, you did. But I have a VERY good reason-"

"You know what happens when servants start to think on their own?" The Oni growled menacingly and floated closer to Finn and Venus and the horseman.

Finn didn't know, he didn't want to find out either.

"The Master gets RID of them!" Tarakudo let the threat sink into a visibly shaken Finn.

Finn stared.

"That was a joke, right?" he tried to chuckle, but one look at Tarakudo's furious face was enough to tell him otherwise.

"Hardly," the Oni replied.

Finn felt Venus wrap her arms around him and from the corner of his eye he saw the horseman stiffen.

"You have to go through me if you want to hurt my Master," he said formally. Tarakudo turned his eyes on the living statue.

"Hmm, a bit better," he said. "But it doesn't change the fact that you rebelled against my orders."

"What are you going to do?" Finn asked. He was sure he didn't want to know, but that was the question that just HAD to be asked in such a situation.

"This," Tarakudo replied and with one shudder of the air Venus was gone. She didn't even have time to yelp.

But Finn did.

"Venus!" he exclaimed and turned around to look for the woman. She was of course nowhere to be seen. "What did you do to her?" he asked, now in rage instead of fear.

"That was your punishment. For every mistake you make I will be taking one of your beautiful women away," the Oni said calmly.

Finn hated... hated the Oni quite unlike anything he had hated before. Not even Shendu reserved so much of the Enforcer's hatred.

"Where IS she?" Finn had the audacity to demand of the demon.

Finn clenched his fists and bared his teeth and trembled. His favorite was forever gone! It couldn't be! Why? Why her? Out of all, she was the one he had cherished the most... the question of which immediately was answered. It was the ultimate punishment. The oni had known how much Venus had meant to him. And this was the punishment the most severe. Trembling still over his loss, he dared to stand up to the creature.

"No! You'll bring her back!"

The oni shook his head, "What is gone is gone and she is lost. Pray that you do not follow her."

Finn wanted to weep. Venus was gone! None of the others held his interest so as Venus had done! It wasn't fair! What was he going to do now?

"And what of this one?" The oni's attention disdainfully turned to the horse and rider.

Chow, sensing Finn's distress, stepped up dutifully, "Ummm... this is your leader of armies. He will obey every command." He didn't bother to admit those commands were to be solely Finn's. But Finn was in no state to talk. Finn looked quite... wretched, Chow had figured. He had no idea Venus had had such an affect on his friend.

The oni didn't look quite convinced. "You sure?"

Chow shrugged. It was no use turning to Finn in such a time. Finn was next to useless at the loss of his Venus.

"Then let us see his metal," The oni declared at last, to which Chow and Ratso glanced at each other in the mutual look each other knew too well. The look that said...'We're in trouble.'

**To be continued...**


	5. Part V

**Harem Today, Gone Tomorrow  
By: Brenna Dawkins and Maria Niemelä  
Part V  
A Jackie Chan Adventure Fanfic**

* * *

After the dreadful scene Chow led Finn back inside. The Irishman was in no condition to understand everything that was happening around him, so Chow made him sit on the sofa before his knees gave under him.

The smaller man was surprised to notice how much Venus's doom had shocked his friend. It was so unreal, Finn had had many women in his life and the loss of any of them hadn't trembled him this much.

"You okay?" Ratso asked carefully. All the other women were silent for a change and their eyes were fixed on their beloved.

Finn didn't reply.

"What exactly happened?" Ratso asked turning to Chow. The other man shrugged.

"I don't really know. Tarakudo didn't like it that Finn ran off, so he killed Venus. I think," he said.

"Oh," Ratso said glancing at Finn. "That's bad."

"Yeah. And our fault too. We made him go," Chow added.

Tarakudo had left in anger and everyone was happy to not have the Oni around for the moment. Even though the other women hadn't been happy with Finn paying so much attention to Venus, they had liked her on some level and were sad because of her.

And they hated to see their master in any sort of pain as well. They were also shaken by the fact that any of them could be next. Be poofed out of existence forever without a chance of knowing Finn intimately.

"Hey, Finn? Look, I'm sorry I ever suggested it," Chow had no idea how he could make amends. My God, he thought to himself, had Finn been... in love? Was that the reason for this robotic stupor? That'd never happened before. And it wasn't like Finn could have great sex with her, so he really couldn't fathom the reason why Finn had fallen so hard for the painting. "Finn?"

But Finn was in no mood to talk... to anyone. True, he'd only barely known Venus, and for less than twenty-four hours... but was it possible to fall in love in less time then that? He fought back tears that threatened to flow. He suddenly missed Valmont. Valmont would have let him keep Venus. Sure, the other girls were okay, and whether or not they made a descent army, Valmont probably wouldn't have minded having them decorate the hideout either. God, when had life suddenly gone down the drain for him? It was as if the entire world was out to make sure his life was a miserable Hell. And right then, he had the strong urge to get royally drunk.

After a moment of silence and soft sobs from one of the girls -- Finn couldn't tell who and didn't care -- Chow decided to take the matters into his hands.

"You know Finn, we could always find a copy of the painting and revive a new Venus," he suggested. His friend lifted his head.

"It wouldn't be the same. The Venus in the museum was the real one, a fake can never replace her," he said.

Chow sighed.

"Well, a fake woman seemed to be good enough for you, so why not -- " he started, but was interrupted by an angry Irishman.

"Shut up! It was your fault we even went there! I was stupid to listen to you, your ideas never work! Without you she would still be here!"

Chow blinked. It was a rare thing for Finn to blow up like that. He felt sorry for his friend, but he thought Finn was taking it a bit too seriously. Venus hadn't been real and that's it.

"So you must have loved her," he muttered to himself. Fortunately Finn didn't hear.

"I'm going out," the Irishman replied suddenly.

"Do you think that's a good idea? After what Tarakudo did -- " Ratso started, but Finn didn't let him finish either.

"What do I have to lose anymore?" he asked.

Chow and Ratso glanced at each other.

"He is frighteningly depressed over that chick," Chow remarked. He felt bad for how he had acted and he thought he should have said something, but... maybe it was time for Finn to be alone for a while.

* * *

Finn walked out into the night on the streets of San Francisco. He didn't know where he intended to go, he just... wandered. His mind was on Venus. He couldn't help it. He hoped that she hadn't felt any pain when Tarakudo had poofed her. His eyes felt like they were all prickly with tears he refused to shed.

Blindly, he stumbled on, not knowing where he was going, not caring. Until... he found he came to a halt in front of Uncle's Rare Finds shop. He stood there for a moment, wondering how he came to find himself there. It was either that or to get help from Section 13. Yeah, right. And just what sort of help was he intending to ask the old Chan geezer for anyway? He had no idea.

For a moment he just stood there staring at the shop. There was light in the windows so someone was still up. Was Chan there?

Somehow he doubted it. They hadn't seen the archaeologist at all during the day and he was always fighting them if they did something. Finn guessed that the Asian had something more important to do.

Should he knock at the door?

The thought didn't surprise him as much as it should have. He knew what he wanted and there was only one way to get it.

With hesitating steps he walked to the door, ignored the "Closed!" sign and knocked a couple of times. There was no reply at first, but then he herd steps and someone came to the door.

"What is it? Can you not read?" an angry voice asked and Finn found himself staring at the face of the old Chan. When Uncle realised who was outside his eyes widened and he drew a deep breath.

"A criminal!" he exclaimed and pointed an accusing finger at Finn. The Irishman couldn't have cared less.

"Is Cha -- Jackie here?" he asked and tried to see inside the shop.

"No, but Uncle can -- " Uncle started, but Finn was quick to interrupt him.

"Good, let me in then."

"Never interrupt Uncle!" There was a loud whack which left Finn rubbing his temples. Dude, that was annoying!

"What do you want?" the old man asked, still not letting him in. Finn guessed it was a pretty sensible thing to do,  
considering his background.

Well, he wouldn't let it stop him. Not this time. Tarakudo had taken Venus away with magic, and only magic could bring her back. This irritating old man was his only chance.

Uncle pocketed a rare and valuable item, "I have nothing of value that you could possibly want!"

But Finn had seen, not that at the moment he couldn't have cared even if it had been the Queen's Jewels the old man had tried to secret away without him seeing. "Look, um... Uncle," for the life of him, he didn't know of any other name for the old goat, "I wouldn't come here if I weren't really desperate, you know that. I was wondering... if you could do me... well... a favour?"

Uncle snorted. Was he hearing things? Did a dangerous criminal just ask sweet old Uncle for a favour? He thought to himself then shook his head, "NO! Get out! I owe you NO favours!"

But Finn wasn't going to budge until he got what he wanted, he just wished he knew of an easier way of getting it.

"Wait! Please! Let me at least explain! It's about magic!" he exclaimed hoping that the old man would listen to him out of interest.

Uncle's eye brows shot up, but he still looked more than sceptic. There again, Finn guessed he always looked like that.

"You want to talk about living paintings, hm? Why should Uncle listen?" the old man asked.

"You know about that?" Finn asked in surprise.

"Of course! TV is full of it and irritating government agents keep Uncle's phone busy because of you!"

"Should have known..." Finn didn't know why he hadn't thought of it before. Of course Black had gotten Uncle on his side.

Uncle crossed his arms on his chest.

"What do you want?" he asked then.

"Could you at least let me in? I think it's going to rain soon," Finn said.

"No. You stay out. Uncle never lets criminals in his shop! You steal!"

Finn sighed. Well, this was better than he had dared to hope.

"Okay, here's the deal," he started.

Uncle thought to himself, 'This ought to be good.'

"Help me out and I'll let you get rid of Tarakudo," he tried to say so sweetly.

Uncle blinked. "We are trying to get rid of him ANYway! What sort of a deal is that?"

Finn nodded, "But I won't get in your way of doing it. Come on, whaddaya say?"

"No."

"Come on, old man! As you said, you were going to get rid of him anyway... um, I can tell you where our hide out is!"

"Can you tell me how you brought all those things to life?" Uncle asked, with a flicker of interest.

Finn had the presence of mind to look humble, "Erm, no. I have no idea, and neither does Tarakudo, but I bet YOU sure could figure it out," Finn decided flattery might help smooth things along.

Uncle snorted, "Flattery will get you know where, but, you are right! Okay, get in here. But... only after I call down Tohru! TOHRUUUUUUU!" Uncle shrieked.

Finn winced at the piercing shriek and at having to work WITH the huge man once more. This wasn't going to be pleasant one way or the other. He should have guessed things would have been as such. He sighed and waited to get growled at by the large ex-Enforcer.

There were loud steps when Tohru came downstairs and from the look on his face Finn guessed that the sumo had been trying to fall asleep. His nightgown also suggested that.

"What is it sens -- what is he doing here?" Tohru's voice and expression changed completely when he saw his former colleague.

"He will be assisting us for a while," Uncle replied calmly and walked past Tohru to get his books.

"So I can come in?" Finn asked. He sure didn't want to anger either of his enemies at the moment.

"Weren't you listening to Uncle? Come in! We need you," the old man said in irritation and Finn entered on a similar mood. He was already more than fed up with the whole shop. The thought of Venus was the only thing that kept him from running away.

He took a seat near Uncle and tried not to pay attention to Tohru, who kept a stern eye on him.

"No tricks," the Japanese warned him.

"Don't worry big dude, I am not in the mood for any," Finn muttered in reply. He got a confused look from Tohru, but neither of them got to say anything else when Uncle took over again.

"So how about finally telling us what you want?"

He doubted he'd get any sympathy at all from the two. He wasn't an idiot. He also figured that the old goat would want the whole story. Well, he'd tell most of it, just not the part about rolling around with Venus in the garbage. Or the shower. So he told them about the story from the moment they chatted with Tarakudo right after the demon mask fight and then right up to the mess they were in now... minus Venus's affect on him.

"You left Ratso and Chow alone with all those women?" Tohru knew his ex-cohorts well enough.

Finn wouldn't look over at the big Japanese man. "Well, yeah. With Scream and the warrior statue dude.

"I still do not understand why this would make you want to seek our help. I doubt Tarakudo takes betrayal in stride."

Finn inhaled sharply and recalled just how the horrible oni dealt with those who defied him. Venus. God! A hot stab of hatred for the oni jabbed him in the gut and heart. "I hate Tarakudo! I hate him more then anything! We're nothing but his slaves, pawns! Expendable resources! Plus he-!" Finn snapped his mouth shut. He was about to tell them he had killed Venus.

Well, he didn't know for sure if kill was the proper term. Was she ever really 'alive' in the first place? Well, alive enough to make him fall madly head over heels for what had once been a simple painting. There was no way they could understand! Besides, he wasn't going to give them the chance or the pleasure of dragging Venus's name through the mud, if only because she had loved him, an Enforcer... one of the bad guys.

Uncle raised an eyebrow, taking note of an obvious omission. He wished he knew what Finn was not telling them. It could prove helpful. "Why now, though,  
Finn? You've been with Tarakudo for a while. Why the sudden change of heart?"

Finn hung his head and stared at nothing. They were going to be merciless about it. They would not rest until they knew WHY he really came to them. Well FINE then!

"Tarakudo killed her!" Finn growled between clenched teeth and clenched fists. Uncle and Tohru glanced at each other in surprise.

"Tarakudo killed who?" the Japanese asked with a careful and interested tone

Finn bit his lip and stared stubbornly at the floor. He didn't want to open his heart to his enemies, it was just too personal.

"One of the paintings," he muttered.

"Bleh, she wasn't real then," Uncle declared closing his eyes. His whole figure screamed "I don't care!" in Finn's direction.

"Never say that about her," the Irishman growled in anger making the old man stare at him in surprise. "She was a beautiful, breathing being with real feelings! She did nothing wrong and didn't deserve to die!"

"Seems that you cared about her then, no?" Uncle asked. His tone made Finn glare at him in annoyance, and the Irishman didn't reply.

"Thought so," was Uncle's reply. Then he sighed and rubbed his temples. "But if you want Uncle to do something, you tell everything you know about this new magic."

Finn thought, trying not to let his emotions get the best of him. Just how did this all happen? Did he tell the old man everything that was important? Maybe it was something he missed? He reran the whole scenario in his head, from the moment Tarakudo left them high and not quite so dry 'till the moment Scream became his 'baby'. Nothing much of interest had happened, he thought with frustration. So how... wait...!

"Well, I thought I had lost my medallion after the battle was all said and done. Then when I found it, it was lodged inside the totem." It was all he could think about that happened out of the ordinary... well, considering how ordinary his life was now, anyway.

Without a by-your-leave, Uncle grabbed his medallion and hauled it and a surprised Finn closer for inspection. He adjusted his glasses and scowled as he tried to sense any energy at all coming from it. "Tohru! My blowfish!"

"Wouldn't the lizard work better for this one?" The Japanese man asked as he went for the bauble.

"Second guessing Uncle?" Uncle growled in his high pitched voice. "Someone sounds like they want to clean the gutters of shop!"

Tohru sighed and handed the old man the blowfish. Finn was still wearing the medallion and didn't like being so close to his enemies. Plus the old man smelled of mung beans, something he personally detested.

Uncle had the blowfish positioned over the medallion as Finn eyed the man warily. Uncle asked before he began the incantation, "What totem animal was it lodged in?"

"Ummmm, the snake, I think. A fang broke off when I managed to dislodge it from its mouth."

That brought a terrified gasp out of Uncle who let go of the medallion suddenly and backed up.

"What's wrong, sensei?" Tohru asked, alarmed.

"Dude, what? All I said was snake. And snakes just make things invisible, right?"

"For Chinese zodiac animals, yes! Not for Native American! You are cursed! And you allowed me to touch cursed obje-e-e-e-ect!"

Finn's eyes widened. "Cursed? Hey! I'm NOT... cursed." His vehemence dwindled as he thought it through and then rubbed his temple with a callused finger. "Great. That totem pole was cursed?"

"No, you defaced Native American totem. It is sacred. Defacing it is what cursed you. By breaking the tooth of snake... aiiiiyaaah! Snake is the key to transformation in many Native American legends."

"Maybe that is how he manages to bring those objects to life?" Tohru asked thoughtfully.

Uncle nodded and glared at Finn who just managed to look anxious. "I will need to research! And you, Finn, must help me, since you are one cursed!"

"But I am NOT cursed! Listen, I have the power to bring all these hot chicks alive and nothing bad -- " Finn started, but then the realization kicked in.

Venus

Had it been a mere coincidence, or had her death been part of the supposed curse? He wrapped his fingers around his medallion and gave it a sharp glare. Was THIS the reason he had lost his love?

"What do I need to do?" he asked letting go of the trinket.

"We have to remove the curse! That is the only way to return everything back to normaa-aal!" Uncle bellowed and shoved something furry in the Irishman's arms. "Hold this!

"What is this? Finn asked in contempt and tried to keep the thing away. It stank.

"It's a protective squirrel! It will keep you save from the curse until I have created a counter spell!" Uncle said turning to Tohru.

"Dude! This is totally bunk! She's dead! So, what'er you gonna do about it?" Finn tossed the squirrel back to the old man angrily.

Uncle scowled, "You want help with this, ye-e-e-s?"

"Um, yeah." Finn said much quieter.

Uncle raised his voice in agitation, "Then you DO as Uncle tells you! How can you expect me to do all when it is YOU who came to ME for help!"

"U-u-uh," Finn floundered. The man never ever seemed to make any sense.

"Here! Take this!" Uncle handed Finn a potion.

"Ugh! Smells like Ratso's socks! No way, dude!"

"DRINK!" Uncle commanded in a no nonsense tone.

"Better not be poison," Finn muttered and drank the potion.

Uncle grumbled to himself as he began searching about his shop for important objects to aid him in his work. "Ungrateful. Unreliable. Young fool not know any better!"

"Dude, I'm right here. I can hear everything you're saying about me," Finn said offended. Impossible old goat! That stuff tasted worse then Ratso's socks too. "What was that stuff you gave me anyway?"

Uncle leaned very close and brought his left eye inches from Finn's face.

"That," he started dramatically, "is Uncle's secret counter spell for curses! Look!" The old man suddenly grabbed the chain around Finn's neck, and with one sharp yank the medallion was in his hand.

Finn wasn't impressed. "I had to drink that for THIS? And you broke my chain! I just got it today!"

"With the potion inside you Uncle was able to touch the cursed artefact. Now we can get rid of the curse and Uncle can go to sleep!" Uncle said.

"No, that's not what I wanted! You must help me bring Venus back," Finn tried to explain as he watched how Uncle threw amounts of this and that in a small cauldron he had mysteriously found.

The old man stopped his work for a moment. "Do you know more about magic than Uncle? No? Then sit still and watch!"

Finn buried his face in his hands. It had been such a lame idea to come to Chan's Uncle for help...

**To be continued...**


	6. Part VI

**Harem Today, Gone Tomorrow  
By: Brenna Dawkins and Maria Niemelä  
Part VI  
A Jackie Chan Adventure Fanfic**

**Disclaimer:** Jackie Chan and subsequent characters belong to Jackie Chan and associates. It'd be pretty useless to sue me since I have nothing! I've made no profit nor will see any from this fic.

**Summary:** A collab by Snakelady Frohike1 and VampireNaomi! Finn suddenly and mysteriously has the power to bring still art to life. Tarakudo orders him and the Dark Hand to build him an invincible army. But, as usual, Finn gets other ideas. This can't turn out well!

* * *

Finn was ushered out of the shop once Uncle declared he didn't need the thief's assistance any longer. Finn didn't really know what he should be doing at that moment. The old goat didn't give him any instructions, just said, in his whiny voice that grated on his nerves, "Okay, that's all. Goodbye!"

He felt like he had to be doing something. Chow and Ratso would be worried about him. Who the Hell cared what Tarakudo was thinking at the moment. Should he go back to the hideout and just wait to see if Uncle's magic would work? He really didn't feel like facing the oni at the moment. But he had no money and no interest in going anywhere else. So with mounting anxiety, Finn turned around and headed towards what he called home with the other Enforcers.

He sighed to himself and stopped after only a few paces. The girls would be waiting there for him. Finn's chest clenched tightly. They'd only serve as a visual reminder of what he'd lost. They wouldn't understand his feelings had been for just one girl, and she... she was gone.

Finn had a suddenly intriguing thought. Could Venus... could she have gone back to where she belonged? Back into the painting? Hope sprung anew and he turned around again in the direction of the museum. But wait, he thought to himself. The guards would know him! There was no way he could go back in and just check to see if she was there.

A cab pulled up to a stop in front of the shop and beside Finn. The door opened and Jade found herself staring at the Irishman in amazement.

"What... are you doing here at Uncle's shop?" She demanded after a long moment of staring.

"Helping your Uncle. Go on, ask him to see if I tell the truth or not." Then he got another idea. "Hey, kid. I was wondering if you could do me a favor, that is, after you find out I'm telling the truth about helping your Uncle out."

Jade didn't trust him one bit, "Why should I help you even if you ARE helping Uncle?"

"It isn't anything difficult or dangerous... I just want you to go into the art museum and look at a certain painting. That's it."

Jade snorted. "Just look at a painting."

Finn nodded, "And tell me what you see in it. That's all. I promise!"

Jade crawled out of the cab. Jackie had gone back to Section 13 and had the cab drop his niece off at Uncle's shop.

"Uncle!" Jade called out to see jut how much of the truth Finn was imparting.

When there was no reply Jade decided to step in and take a quick look around. Who knew if Finn had hurt Uncle somehow, and the old man was unable to respond?

"Uncle? Tohru?" she asked as she walked in. She didn't close the door behind her, she wanted to be able to keep an eye on Finn. "What are you doing?" she asked as she noticed both her old uncle and his apprentice bent over books.

"Research!" Uncle exclaimed and Jade rolled her eyes. Well, duh. "But why? What's going on?" she asked eagerly. Aww, she would die if something cool had happened while she had been gone!

"Our Irish friend has been cursed! I have cast a spell on him so that we can interact with him without fear. No we need to find a way to remove the curse!" the old man said, not lifting his eyes from the book.

"Cursed? Cool! What's happening to him?" Jade asked. Wow, Finn had been telling the truth after all. This was probably why he was with them now. But... why would he want her to check a museum? What was so special about one old painting?

Maybe it was valuable. Maybe Finn wanted to know about the security so that he would be able to steal it. But somehow Jade doubted it. Something had been different in the Irishman's voice and face when he had asked her. It was almost like... desperation?

_This is all too weird,_ she thought to herself.

It looked like Uncle and Tohru were pretty much occupied and wouldn't mind if she wasn't around. So, without another word, Jade returned outside.

"Okay, I'll do what you want. But if I find out that you have some strange motive..." she warned. Actually, it would be pretty fun to do something dangerous on her own again.

So the two walked down towards the museum. Well, this was definitely not her ordinary adventure. Usually she was adventuring with Jackie, now it was... with Finn.

"So, what about this painting? Why the sudden interest?" Jade wanted to know. "And, where are Chow and Ratso?"

Finn snorted, "Those two are back at the hideout with that... that oni." She heard the hatred in his voice when he mentioned Tarakudo and wondered about that. "As for the painting, let's just say it's personal, kid."

"C'mon, Finn. Tell me. You know what? Uncle Jackie gave me a cell phone temporarily. If I suspect ANYthing rotten on your end, I'm gonna let my fingers do the walking and Jackie'll be here straight away to kick your butt."

Finn scowled. Finn wasn't that bad of a hand-to-hand fighter when it came down to it. He'd broken many bones of many adversaries and even had shot quite a few people before Chan had come into his life.

"You do what you want, kid. I can hold my own when I have to."

Jade snorted disbelieving, "Sure, yeah, even when it's you AND Chow AND Ratso on just one Jackie, he can STILL wallop you and your buddies."

Finn was feeling irritated. How'd Jackie stand her 24/7? He didn't feel he needed to justify himself to a kid. "What's it to you why this painting is important to me? You said you'd do it and now you're makin' threats? Isn't that like- bad karma for your people or something, dude?"

"Whatever, let's just get this done," Jade retorted finally. Then she walked a bit in silence, her mind on her past adventures. She had to giggle at one thought to which Finn looked over at her suspiciously.

"What, kid?"

She giggled some more, "This is the second time you've been cursed, I just realized. Boy, you have lousy luck. Aren't you supposed to be Irish or something?"

Finn sighed, "I AM, Irish. Not ALL Irish are lucky. And, it's NOT funny."

"But it IS! Come on, Finn, you and your pals have the worst luck of anyone I know."

He really didn't want to be having this conversation. Was Jade always so talkative? Why'd he ask for her help anyway? Because he was a desperate, pathetic loser, that's why, he morosely thought to himself. "If you recall, our luck had been pretty good until

Chan messed everything up."

"Don't blame us. We're the good guys. You're a bad guy. You're still a bad guy... aren't you?"

Finn started at the girl's question. Why did she even ask? Wasn't it obvious that he wouldn't switch sides just because of this? And yet...

"Of course I'm a bad guy," he replied to avoid further conversation about the matter.

"I guessed so." Finn couldn't tell if Jade sounded relieved or disappointed. Not that it mattered that much.

"Hey, we are almost there," he noticed suddenly. They were almost in the Renaissance exhibit, and he could feel his stomach make a turn. What if...

Jade didn't reply, but led the way. Finn didn't object, it felt somehow natural that she would show the way. He wouldn't normally be taking orders from a kid, but this time he just didn't care. He would get what he wanted sooner this way if he didn't have to argue with her.

"So, is one of these the painting you wanted to see?" Jade asked and waved her hand towards the direction of the many paintings as they arrived in the right room.

With surprise Finn noticed that no one had removed the paintings that he had... altered. They were still there, only covered in white sheets.

"I wonder why they don't have more guards here," he muttered under his breath. It would have felt natural to see the museum full of policemen and guards after what they had done.

"Huh?" Jade asked.

"Never mind, kid," the Irishman replied as he turned towards the place where he remembered Venus to be. Finn stood in front of it. Now he was fearful of looking behind the curtain. What if she wasn't there? He didn't know if he could handle it.

"Just, take a peek behind the sheet and tell me if she's in there or not." Finn gestured at the painting.

Jade raised an eyebrow. "She?"

"Venus!" Finn said exasperatedly.

Jade shrugged and jauntily strode close to the painting and lifted the white drapery. Finn held his breath, waiting for the bad news. But just then, a guard wandered past and spotted them.

"HEY! Get away from there!" Then the guards eyes widened as he recognized the Irish thief. "Stop! Thief!"

"Run, kid!" Finn commanded and surprisingly, she listened and the two ran from the museum with a couple of security guards on their tails. "I know a place where we can hide!" Finn led her to that very alley where he and the Enforcers had taken Venus and the others. Was it only yesterday? It felt like eons had passed since that fateful moment when Venus had tried to ravage him.

His heart beat painfully in his chest, not from the sudden run, but from the memories the nasty place held for him. They turned into the alley and went around the corner. Finn made a point not to look at the pile of garbage that he and Venus had tried to make love in.

Both were breathing heavily and were leaning up against a brick wall. Finn gulped in a few breaths and noted he was starting to feel nauseas from the anxiety for Venus's painting. He had to know.

"Well, what'd ya see?" He asked, trying not to sound desperate.

Jade shrugged. "A painting with a nude woman with long hair on a half shell and a couple of cherubs."

Finn inhaled sharply. Could it really be true? He turned about and faced her, kneeling so he could be eye to eye with the tiny Chinese girl. "Honestly, kid? Please, this isn't something you'd lie about, would it?"

She heard the desperate plea in his voice and wondered about that. "I'm NOT lying, Finn. Venus was in there. Why were all those paintings covered? Why'd the guard recognize you?" She frowned. "You stole a painting, didn't you?"

Finn snorted. He was inexplicably happy for a change and felt his heart would burst from his chest in his joy! Venus was safe and sound back where she belonged! She hadn't vanished from this world forever! He thought he could handle it better for knowing that one fact! In his joy he hugged a very surprised Jade and laughed in delight. Then when he calmed down, he released the girl.

"I didn't steal a painting," Finn could honestly tell her. "You saw they were still there, didn't you?" God, but he felt almost giddy knowing Venus was all right!

"So, what do we do now?" Jade asked then, looking slightly disturbed as if being touched by the Enforcer had been one of the most sickening experiences of her life.

Finn hadn't really thought of that. Now that he knew that Venus was safe he didn't think he cared about anything. At least not at the moment. But eventually he would have to find a way to get her back. It would be more difficult than last time, but he knew he could do it. He wrapped his fingers around his medallion. He knew it would have to work.

"I'll walk you back to your Uncle's shop," he offered. He couldn't go back to the museum now that everyone was alerted, and he thought he needed to clear his thoughts a bit before trying anything. A walk would do it nicely.

"Uh, sure," Jade replied. "Want to tell me what was so special about that painting?"

Finn looked at her and couldn't help but grin in happiness. The result was that Jade looked at him as if he had gone mad. "It's a very personal thing, kiddo. You'll understand when you grow up a bit," he said.

It took them a while to get back to Uncle's shop, and it was way past midnight when they did. Despite that they could both see that there was still light in the windows. "Now we're in trouble..." Jade moaned quietly.

"Well, it wasn't like you went out alone, dude. You WERE with an adult." Finn said uncertainly.

Jade folded her arms and raised an eyebrow, "Oh yeah. I'm sure Jackie'd LOVE to hear how I was gallivanting about town with an ENFORCER all by myself!" She sighed.

"Come on, kid. I'm sure your Uncle told him everything. Besides, we don't even know if Jackie is there," Finn tried to sound confidant.

Jade sighed and took the lead and walked up to the door. "Just let's get the yelling and grounding over with." She opened the door with Finn right behind her.

"There you are!" Chow chirped and then got a two fingered slap on the temple from Uncle.

"Do not stop chanting! Must continue!" Uncle groused.

"Okay, okay!" Chow grumbled and continued to chant in time with Uncle. Finn and Jade stared. Chow was hopping about on one foot and holding his other foot with his hand. In his other hand, he held a snakeskin. And Jackie was nowhere to be found.

"Well," Finn began, "This is... different."

"You can say that again," Jade continued to stare at Chow who seemed to be assisting the old man with a spell or something.

"Umm, dude, where's Ratso and my entourage?" Finn wanted to know.

But Uncle gave Finn a glare that told him silently to not interrupt.

"What are they doing?" Finn asked mostly to himself.

Jade shrugged again. "Magic must defeat magic. What I wanna know is what Chow is doing here."

Finn thought he had that one figured out. The small Chinese man must have gone out looking for him. It made him feel like his life was a little less then miserable if there was someone out there who was concerned enough about him to go looking for him. And not only that, but was assisting in a spell that could help them all. Finn was amazed. Through all he had gone through the past several years, only Chow and Ratso had always been there in some manner of speaking. It warmed him, despite the fact that Chow looked utterly ridiculous.

"Old man, do you think you could hold off a bit on that spell? I... I have something I need to do first." He meant Venus. If the geezer took away the magic the medallion held, he'd never see her in the flesh again.

"Too late, spell almost fin-ished. No turning back now," Uncle replied irritated at the request. "Once spell complete anyway, all will go back to way they were before."

Did that mean Scream, the horseman, and his harem would all disappear and go back to their original state?

"Isn't there any other way?" Finn asked feeling the onset of panic once more.

Uncle didn't reply, but kept chanting something. Finn didn't like it at all.

"No wait! You can't do it yet! I want to -- " he started, but stopped abruptly as his medallion started glowing. "Oh no," he muttered.

He could only watch as his trinket became greener and greener until Uncle clapped his hands once. The glow died instantly.

"Done!" the old man announced. "Now you will leave Uncle's shop!"

Finn took the medallion in his hand. It didn't feel any different. Maybe the spell hadn't worked.

He felt how Chow grabbed his arm, and the Irishman forced his legs to follow his friend. There was nothing else for him in the shop.

"What EVER made you go to them for help?" Chow asked once they were outside. Finn gave him an angry look, he knew Chow didn't approve his decision.

"At the moment it felt like the only good thing to do," he said.

"But you could have asked US to help!"

Despite that his friend was mad at him it felt good to know that at least he had friends. He hadn't really thought about it in a while. His life had been just one big mess with no time for anything.

"Later, right now I want to try something." Finn waved a hand at Chow and motioned the man to come closer.

"What?" Chow asked as Finn bent down to pick up a small piece of paper. It was colorful and had a happy picture of a cartoon squirrel in it. It was probably cut from a comic or something.

"Well, squirrel dude, come to me," Finn said and tapped the picture once.

"That's not going to work," Chow said.

And it didn't. Nothing happened.

Finn let the paper drop to the ground with mixed emotions. Well, no magic in his medallion meant that Tarakudomundo couldn't harass him anymore about creating that lame army. He wouldn't have those girls hanging on him at every moment of everyday, and thank God Scream was not going to be there when they returned home!

But... that also meant... no Venus... ever again. Whoever had coined the phrase it was better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all should be drug out into the street, beaten, tortured, and shot.

"What's Tarakudo's mood?" Finn wanted to know what was in store for him when he got back.

Chow shrugged, "He didn't miss you, if that's what you mean."

Finn frowned. "You don't think he'll bite my head off or something?"

"How should I know what the Boss has in mind?" Chow said irritably, not looking forward to returning home to a nearly empty hovel. He rather liked having all those girls about, even if they couldn't fully satisfy him. It sure had brightened up the place for the

short duration of their stay. "But you must admit, he's much more forgiving then Shendude ever was."

That much was true, for the most part. Except that the oni HAD destroyed Venus because the creature knew Finn coveted her. Of course, Shendu might have just flamed ALL the girls for his screw up. Dalong Wong would not have let him keep his harem for even a second, but Valmont would have let them all stay no matter what. Finn sighed for the millionth time that day. He missed the good old days, when he and the other Enforcers had real power. If he wanted something, he used to just take it. Now he had to fight to keep anything, even his waning self-respect.

"Let's get the yelling and grounding over with," Finn suddenly identified with Jade at that one, fleeting moment.

"Huh?" Chow didn't get it.

"Never mind," Finn grumbled. And the two headed back to an empty home where a very confused Ratso waited for explanations.

**The End**


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